Chapter 2: Mom & Dad
I’m so excited to be able to finally share the news that Joe and I are entering our mom and dad era! The past few months have simultaneously felt so painfully slow on my worst days, and then incredibly fast as I look back on my first trimester.
Slowing down has been a blessing and between all the aches, pains and uncertainty, it’s been a really wonderful time to get to experience this together for the first time.
We've always known we wanted to be parents, and both of us are just really grateful that we're finally here.
How I found out
I'm very in tune with my body (often times to my own detriment) and knew I was pregnant before my body probably realized okay, we're doing this. Having been very regular my whole life, there are certain telltale signs that we all know signal yay, worst 5 days of the month ever — and those signs just weren't there.
I took a pregnancy test the next day and went into a full-blown panic spiral.
My anxiety has always stemmed from the unknown with a big focus on the what-ifs and I kind of always knew that getting pregnant would be the perfect unknown for it to latch on to. In any other circumstance, I would have immediately told Joe, but his birthday was just 3 days away, and I somehow summoned all of my willpower to hold on to the news until then.
Dad cried throughout his entire birthday dinner
The most ironic part of all of this is that the day after I found out, Joe asked if I was pregnant. I debated just telling him right then and there, but instead committed to an Oscar-worthy performance involving cramps, Advil, and pure exhaustion.
Bummed out, he told me "oh man, I had this wild dream that you were going to tell me you were pregnant on my birthday and that we'd have a baby girl".
And that’s when Joe began his new career as a psychic.
After what felt like the longest 3 days of my life, I picked him up from the train that night and just knew I couldn't hold it in for one more second. So right in the pitch black train parking lot sitting in our car, I handed him his birthday card, followed by a card with a polaroid of my positive test.
The second I told him, so much of the stress I’d been carrying just lifted, which meant heaps of crispy rice and spring rolls for me while dad cried throughout his entire birthday dinner.
The way no one prepares you for the first trimester...
Maybe I had yet to hit the pregnancy algorithm, but when the first trimester symptoms started kicking in around week 6, I truly felt like all moms had been keeping some kind of diabolical secret. I was wildly underprepared.
I remember feeling great around week 5; I was walking every day, dealing with only a few very manageable bouts of what I'd describe as a sour stomach, and telling my mom that if this was the worst of it, I'd be thrilled. I also think it didn't help that a lot of the women in my life, either close friends or currently pregnant themselves, hadn't experienced any over-the-top sickness. I really felt like I was being handed a get-out-of- jail-free card by the pregnancy gods.
And that was the end of my happiness for the next 7 weeks.
Right before week 6, a switch flipped and my body was like, sike! I always knew the exhaustion was coming, but the exhaustion paired with rapidly-rising hormones, all-day nausea, food aversions, and a constant gag reflex to anything and everything felt beyond overwhelming to say the very least.
I remember writing down every symptom in my notes app as the weeks went by, crying every day, convinced that I would be spending the next 9 months on my couch. Then I'd cry about crying because even though I was so incredibly miserable, I was also just as grateful.
Lesson learned: the first trimester completely humbled me, and women’s bodies are nothing short of extraordinary.
Everything that helped me get to the other side of the 1st trimester
1. Taking it a half day at a time, especially on the hard days. For the majority of my 1st trimester, convincing myself I could make it through an entire day often felt like too big of a feat. I tried to condition myself to think in half days — let's get through the morning, and then let's get through the evening. Getting through a few hours versus a full day felt more manageable.
2. Not feeling guilty about rest. Especially in the beginning, I felt like I was rotting on the couch all day. After lots of gentle reminders from my mom and Joe that I was making a whole human, I snapped out of it and let my body rest, even if that meant parking it on the couch from morning to night.
3. Chat GPT daily check-ins. After freaking myself out in the very first few weeks of pregnancy, I made a promise to myself that I would not use Google or Reddit for anything pregnancy-related and it was truly the best decision I could have made. Instead, I utilized Chat GPT and set up daily check-ins to get me through the thick of the 1st trimester. Sometimes it really was as simple as a quick nudge of encouragement that mentally helped me take on the day.
4. Setting a snack alarm. The only time I wasn't nauseous is in the brief 15-minute period after I ate, and I found that leaving too much time between snacks would really set me back. Setting my alarm every 1.5-2 hours helped a lot, although at the time, I felt so sick of eating on a schedule.
5. Emeterm bracelet. I'm fully convinced that this anti-nausea bracelet saved my life. There was rarely a day where I felt good, but wearing this (especially when I had to leave the house) helped me to function. It works through an electrical impulse that feels like a tingling sensation on the inside of your wrist, that stimulates the vagus nerve and interrupt the transmission of signals to the brain that tell you you're nauseous. If I can avoid ingesting something (like Unisom which is highly recommended), I always opt for this kind of route and this really worked for me.
6. Protein. The very last thing I ever wanted to eat — my 90% grilled chicken diet went completely out the window real fast. As much as it pained me to eat high protein foods, there was a big difference in how long I had relief when I could get down a protein versus a carb. Things like smoothies with skyr yogurt, cheese sticks, and peanut butter on rice cakes were a few of my go-to's.
7. Taking my prenatal before bed. I was lucky that my prenatal didn't worsen my nausea (as it sometimes can) but I found that when I took it too soon after a meal, or too early in the night, the indigestion I'd get and the fish oil burps (my actual nightmare) made me want to puke. At my doctor's recommendation, I started taking my prenatal about 15 minutes before bed with just a few pretzels or crackers. Whatever was going on in my body as it digested never really bothered me because, thankfully, I was already asleep.
8. Leaning on my support system. The first trimester is such a weird in-between. You’re cautious about telling too many people in an effort to protect yourself and your mental health should anything go wrong, yet it’s also the point when you need support the most. 3 people knew from the very beginning — a close friend, Joe and my mom and I truly could not have gotten through those 13 weeks without them.
Around 11 1/2 weeks, we had a family trip planned to Florida and someone was watching over me because I fully intended to cancel that trip. Just 2 or 3 days before we left, my daytime nausea started to ease a bit. It definitely wasn’t gone, but at that point I would have gladly taken even a 5% improvement. I convinced myself that if I could just get on the plane, I’d at least be somewhere I could soak up a little Vitamin D.
By the time we flew home, I had officially passed the 12-week mark, and from weeks 12 to 14, the nausea really only hit at night, usually around 8pm. I hacked the system and got into bed by 8:30 every night, which made everything feel a whole lot more manageable
Now at 15+ weeks, I feel 90% better. If you're in the thick of it, I promise you'll get through it. And if you’re one of the lucky few who got to skip the first trimester nausea, truly count your blessings.
Being on the other side of a really rocky start to pregnancy, I finally feel like I can start enjoying it and let myself get excited for that second trimester glow-up everyone talks about!
A small but important note: if you’re currently struggling with infertility or loss, my heart is with you. I don’t say that lightly. As someone who spent a long time navigating unknowns and disappointments, I know how lonely it can feel, even when you have a great support system. I know that stomach-drop feeling when you see a new pregnancy announcement on social media, or the way you hold your breath catching up with a friend just in case she might tell you she’s pregnant. It’s not talked about enough, and it should be. Be gentle with yourself, and always prioritize protecting your peace. Sending you so much love, wherever you are in your journey.
